I really didn't think nursing was going to work out for me. Most of you know that. For the first month of LittleGuy's life, I was very close to giving up. A few trusted sources told me to stick it out until six weeks. I did. Amazingly, they were right, it did get easier...but I still wasn't sold. I was dependent on that damn nipple shield and I had very little confidence that my "chest structure" would ever truly be able to feed my child.
However, ten weeks into this nursing relationship with my baby and I'm a done deal. I love it. I feel like breastfeeding Finn is one of the most amazing things I have ever done in my entire life. An accomplishment as much as it is a gift. He practically weaned himself off the shield over a week ago and I can't believe that "they" work - all by themselves! Well, LittleGuy is bigger and knows what to do now, so that helps A LOT.
I finally feel comletely in tune with the whole experience. I did not believe people who told me it's easier to breastfeed, but now I know it's true. And, it is just an amazing thing to be able to nourish your child...just by being alive and eating and drinking and staying near your baby. Amazing. My body makes food. I am a fully functioning kitchen for my baby. Completely mind blowing. Everytime we sit down for a "meal" I am washed in awe.
It really irks me that the nurses in NY did not encourage me more when Littleman was born. It makes me sad that this experience was lost for him...and me. I am sad that I'll only get to nurse one baby. I don't feel any less connected to Littleman, plus, I really didn't know what I was missing. (Since I won't be letting LittleGuy sleep in our bed, I feel like the boys are even in "closeness to mommy as a baby" issues). And I am not saying that every one should nurse - it has to be right for that mom and that baby at that moment. It really is not easy. It takes patience and confidence (when you have none) and, most of all, a support system.
All that said, as much as I love nursing, it is pretty gross. Milk gets every where. At times I am literally a geyser. It completely suppresses my libido and there are a multitude of drugs (ie, birth control) that are forbidden. I lack grace and tact, so in public I am pretty much a nursing nightmare. (Thank goodness Littleman is too young to be embarassed by me...and Papabear is working so much, he's usually not with us). And, I know I have complained about this before, but the sheer size that I have to carry around...is really ridiculous. So, it's not heaven or perfect. But, it is beautiful. *I* may not be, but the act is beautiful. Beautiful and peaceful and almost magical. I feel completely and utterly content. I am living my dream.
I am a mommy of two beautiful boys and wife to a man I love and adore. If I died today I could say I have everything I ever wanted.
Here's the last of 'em. LittleGuy as a horsie and Littleman with his friends.
Now that Halloween is over, Littleman is already talking about Christmas. Taking down the Halloween decorations was so sad for him (we've had them up since October 1!!!!). I almost wish there were more decorations for Thanksgiving. BUT, I am not going there. The day after Thanksgiving we break out the Christmas stuff and that's good enough for me. I love that Littleman shares my excitement for holidays. He could ignore my jollyness, but he embraces it. We'll make some turkey decorations to get us through until black Friday. I have to make calendars for him to hang in his room so he can check off the days.
Well, I haven't been sleeping great, so I think I'm going to head to bed. I think all the adrenaline and elation that got me through the first two months has finally wore off...and the lack of sleep is taking its toll. I can't say enough how grateful I am to have friends out here who invite me over for dinner or come over when I need their kids to entertain mine. I couldn't survive without them.
For some reason, Papabear gets the biggest grins out of our LittleGuy and today we had our first big laughs - amazingly I caught them on video.
Littleman had his Halloween party at preschool yesterday. They made jack-o-lantern cupcakes.
LittleGuy's wearing shoes!!!! How cute!
Pumpkin carving....
Papabear went all out when making a veggie tray for Littleman and a friend he had over for dinner!!! Would it surprise you at all to hear that Littleman cried when Lauren ate a little of HIS name???
In case you want an update on the breast feeding, continue reading: I started weaning LittleGuy off the shield a few days ago by taking it off for one of the afternoon feedings. WELL, by yesterday afternoon, he decided he wanted NONE of the shield at all! It's been a little bit of a struggle. When the jugs are full, so to speak, there's not a lot of surface area which makes it difficult for LittleGuy to latch on. He gets royally pissed, though, if I try to start with the shield - he really wants nothing to do with it! But, he has trouble getting "on" without it. This morning, though, we finally made things "work" by using the latch-assist. Without going into too much detail, for those of you who have no interest in reading about the finer details of breastfeeding, it's going well. We had a full feeding session completely free of the shield. I am still amazed that I am doing this. I am feeding my baby and it feels great to be able to do so.
Are you wondering if he sleeps through the night? He's pretty much on this eating schedule at night: 8p, dreamfeed at 10:30p, 3:30a, 7a - So I am up at 3:30 and 7 ish....I have adjusted to this so I am functioning okay. I am hopeful that he'll start sleeping longer soon....aren't we all? He's cute and sweet and cuddly, so I feel well compensated for the lack of sleep....
This little one is NOT sleeping in our bed like Littleman did for so, so, so many months. (not yet anyway, ha ha) He sleeps in the bassinet next to our bed. I tried moving him to his room the other day, but it's too soon. I felt absolutely haggard running down there in the middle of the night. I'm going to try again in a couple of weeks.
That's all for now folks! Hope everyone has a happy halloween!
Littleguy begins to converse...
Went to a pumpkin festival...Papabear was working so I was technically on my own (we went with some friends). It is still too warm most days to feel like fall, but we had fun.
Yes, Littleman is holding a giant "diamond." He bought it with his own money...the kid has strange likes, I know. Okay, this next one is seriously too cute for words.
LittleGuy was the talk of the festival in this little number!
Littleman in a pumpkin house.
Yes, that's fake grass. I swear we live in "The Truman Show."
And Vox is acting funny so I literally cannot delete this picture I accidentally posted twice. Well, it is so cute, enjoy it again.
Well, my LittleGuy is getting chubbier, little by little. At his two month check up on Monday he weighed in at 10 lbs., 10 oz. I am no longer worried if the milk factory is working - clearly it is. LittleGuy is happy, sleeps well, has his active time, and seems satisfied when we're done nursing. I can't ask for more.
I get scared when I think that in a few months my hooters will hold roughly 8 oz of milk per "session." Currently they carry about 4 ounces...and they are HUGE. That may be biggest drawback for me, the size issue. BUT, I've already complained about this, so let's move on. OH, I am still using the nipple shield. I wish I weren't, but LittleGuy just doesn't want to latch without it. I am starting to wean him, but it will be VERY slow going. The pediatrician says that since he's gaining and all, I shouldn't worry too much about it, so I am not.
Here is Littleman and some of his buddies dressed up in their costumes for our neighborhood "fall festival." It reached about 82 degrees and did not feel very fall-like...but they had fun running around. I am in the process of hemming Littleman's superman costume..as you can see he's basically swimming in it. My poor little short boy. Oh, you might be wondering why he is wearing that scary spiderman mask. He made me print it out from a CD-ROM that came with a t-shirt and laminate it! He's been wearing it for months and apparently is needed to "complete" his superman costume. He assures us he is a "GOOD scary superman." Whatever that is. Silly boys. How do you like our "spooky graveyard?" Fifteen bucks at Wal-Mart.
LittleGuy wore only the hat/stem for the chili pepper costume. Like I said, it was pretty hot.
I have a cute video I posted on Facebook of LittleGuy "talking" to Papabear. I'll get it up here tomorrow...or whenever I have the energy/extra time to do upstairs. I can only post videos from Papabear's MAC, not the PC...isn't that funny? Hmm...yes, more lame than funny.
All is well out here. Papabear loves his new job...even if it keeps him late - last night he was scheduled to work from 9:30a to 8p. He didn't get home until midnight! That's emergency room work, though. The only plus is that he is paid megabucks for all the overtime. Extra bucks can't hurt...ever, really. And, he enjoys all the different cases he sees - a stark contrast from the endless prescribing he had to do at his previous job. (However, he sees about 10 to 20 flu/swine flu positive people a day! Neither of us is thrilled about this, but it is a risk he/we has to take.)
We went to the U2 concert last week. It was pretty awesome. I was never a huge, huge fan, but it was a truly amazing show. I wasn't thrilled about going with LittleGuy being only seven weeks old. I was nervous about my boobs exploding...BUT, I pumped in the car as we pulled into the parking lot. I have a battery operated travel pump and I brought a cooler to keep the milk. Towards the end of the show I could feel the music literally rippling through the accumulated milk in my chest - definitely weird! I pumped nearly five ounces when we finally made it out to the car! So, it all worked out and I am really glad I went.
I wish I had more to write. There are plenty of anecdotes and thoughts to share, but I am simply tired. I feel good, but I also feel like I am still adjusting to life with two little ones. I am not as "together" as I usually am. Bills are being paid late and I haven't fully gotten back into the swing of hosting playdates.
I am grateful to the handful of girlfriends out here who keep us occupied when Papabear is working late. AND, my MIL who comes over to either take Littleman out for an afternoon, or stays with LittleGuy so I can go out with my big boy. Life is a whole lot more bearable when you get a break here and there. Today Papabear was home and just the simple act of driving Littleman to preschool made my day...well...awesome. I had time to exercise AND shower - JOY.
Okay, off to pump so I can one day, maybe, go see a movie with my husband again...
Well, with two kiddos it's hard to post as frequently as I'd like to. I think of things to post all day long, but having time to actually sit down and use both hands is a highly sought after commodity.
Too tired to really write, but my dad and Krissy sent me an awesome hat for my birthday from a company called "Bitchy Bling." So, here's me in the hat and, of course, Littleman had to have a go at the hat. Also, some photos from Aunt Jen's 40th birthday party this past weekend.
So many mom friends told me that when you have you have #2 you simply do not have time to keep up with all the baby books and photo albums. Naturally, I took that with a grain of salt because I keep a multitude of journals at any given time. Alas, I have to admit they are right. They were and are absolutely right. I can barely find the time to shower or make the bed or return emails, let alone keep up journals, baby books, and photo albums. So far, I haven't even touched a photo album. I HAVE made a few notes in the fancy baby book and on Monday I was actually able to write three or four entire pages in LittleGuy's journal recounting his birth and his first days in our world. I haven't even touched Littleman's or my own journal. They sit on my desk, sending me vibes of sadness and neglect, their pages longing for the stories and emotions that have been surging through our family these last few weeks.
I am pretty confident the stories will get written...it might take me a year to document just a couple of things, but so be it. Something is better than nothing. AND, they'll always have the blog to look back at...if I ever get around to printing out the last couple of months.
Otherwise, things are well. Papabear is enjoying his new job - today was his first 12 hour shift - ten to ten. It's ten now, so he isn't home yet. I talked to him earlier and even though it's exhausting, he loves it. And even though Littleman had school for five hours, I'm exhausted, too. Bedtime is tough when there's a screaming infant and a young person who has grown used to mama's undivided attention. It breaks my heart when Littleman sighs and says, "Just take that crying baby out of my room." I'm working on getting the baby down before Littleman....we'll see. It's a little hard to peg down a routine just yet.
In the meantime, I am in love with our little baby. Even though I am holding him most of the day, the most wonderful time, is around 7am, after I nurse him and I lay him down beside me in our bed. There is something so sacred and intimate about his warm little body, safe and snug between his mommy and daddy in the early morning. (Sometimes it's more like 5am - I am really not letting him sleep in bed with us, so I try to wait until the sun comes up and he's more awake - it's more of a snuggle time). He smells like heaven and when Littleman crawls in with us before we start the day I feel completely whole and content. My family, healthy, happy, warm and cozy, all together in the safest place I know...now...if only we had a bigger bed we could stay there all day....speaking of bed, I need to get some shut eye!
Took some cute photos today and last night. Some might look exactly the same to you...but alas, I am a smitten new mama. Enjoy.
Brotherly love.
Littleman reverts to his baby days...
LittleGuy really does like to hold his head up.
Very serious...
Just adorable...
Almost a smile..
Mr. Curious
asd
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Jedi Mama said:
Finally able to watch the video (doesn't work on the ipod). Hilarious! And cute! And heartbreaking! Miss you. read more
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so glad that you got to experience this miracle... it really is an amazing feeling to look down and see... read more
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